So, about the exciting news you've all been on the edge of your seat for? Here it is! We have made the decision to homeschool our daughter next year. Disappointed? We aren't! Actually it is something we are growing more excited about as time goes on. We are going to give it a shot for first grade and see how we like it. If it doesn't work, we can always enroll her someplace. We have many reasons for wanting to homeschool, and it has been on the periphery of my mind for some time. We will never know unless we try. You can follow our journey at Homemade Learning.
Other than that, life is chugging along, mostly at an alarming speed. I have a kindergartener now, a one year old (when the heck did that happen?!?), the holidays are approaching, I am in the throes of finishing a professional endeavor (for which I am more than SO ready to be DONE with already), and we are trying to get back on track with eating and such before the food coma season hits! That is really it in a nutshell. We are feeling busy and my job is to balance it all out, and I am being pulled to purge and simplify yet again, which is a good thing! Currently I am feeling out of whack with regards to the house, our eating, habits, clutter, our schedule, etc, so it is time to shift the pendulum more toward the middle.
I absolutely LOVE Thanksgiving and am ready for this holiday, not only as the harbinger of the Christmas holidays, but as a time of reflection, love, and gratitude. Looking forward to next week, but have some major work to do before then! And, as is usually the case, I feel like I am going nowhere fast. But, as with life, if I just keep chugging along, I will get there.
More to come, I always have something on my mind or heart that I'd like to share, it is just finding the time at the computer to get it out that is the problem. Wishing you all joy, love, and thankfulness next week and through the weeks to come!
***I may have a small problem with creating new blogs :) Especially when I am sporadic, at best, with updating the ones I have now! For some reason having my personal blog, my family blog, and the homeschool blog all separated make sense to me, while in reality it is enmeshed in one big jumble of life! Maybe it is my way of making sense of it all, to compartmentalize it. Other friends blog about everything in one place, but I guess my brain likes to have unique spots for each. I will keep it this way for now, because it works, but when it doesn't anymore, I will change it!
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012
Sunday, August 5, 2012
More
I have been taking notes on things I eventually hoped to blog about including some profound insights, and I keep wanting to write this amazing blog post with links. However, I think that is what is preventing me from actually getting out my thoughts. So, now I sit here with both kids in bed (for the moment) with my glass of wine, and I am just going to write, and hope at the end of it all it makes sense.
Lately (for the last 1.75 yrs) I have had a harder time parenting my daughter. This is very frustrating to me as I strive to be a gentle parent. At the end of the day, my daughter knows she is loved unconditionally, or so I hope, but I wonder what messages and lessons are sticking with her that would make me cringe. Not that I am in any way abusive, but it is just so far from where I would like to be, it is maddening.
If there is a word to describe my girl, it would be more. She was born not wanting, but needing, more of me. She had to be on me or nursing to sleep. She needed me to hold her, sit with her, be with her literally all. of. the. time. Even as young as 2 weeks, she would scream if she wasn't with me or if someone else tried to take her. Even with me, she sometimes still cried. I went dairy free and tried every colic remedy in the book, to figure out what was wrong with her; and 5 years and another child later, I still have no answers. I think she has a very sensitive nature and just needed some major help adapting. She is also a very bright and perceptive child, and is in her own head a lot. I felt very attached to her, literally and figuratively, in both good and bad ways. It was tough on me, luckily I had (and still do) a very supportive husband who understood that my only job could be to care for her.
I often felt an unspoken sort of judgement that I wasn't doing things the "right" way, because if I was, she certainly wouldn't be this way, right? If I just set her down more, fed her formula and didn't nurse all the time, got her out of my bed, trained her to sleep, left her more often, socialized her more, had a better routine, fed her rice cereal, let her fuss a bit, didn't medicate her, did medicate her, on and on and on... I felt at times like I couldn't do anything right. A lot of this may have been perceived due to my own mental state, so I am not sure how realistic it is, but I did feel a lot of pressure. Ultimately I did what I felt was right, which was extended breastfeeding, babywearing, and cosleeping. Until the day she started crawling and I had a meltdown because now I didn't even get the 10-15 minutes of her playing happily with toys as a break anymore, I had to chase her (because when I say she needed me all the time, that is no exaggeration!). This is when all the sleep training peer pressure crept in, and I allowed myself to believe it.
So, I caved, and went at it whole hog with the help of my mother (whom we were living with at the time). It was awful. She doesn't just cry, she would (for any thing, big or small) go from 0 to 60 in 0.0003 seconds. (no differentiating cries here, it was one cry and one cry only. DISTRESS!!!) So that just sucked. My daughter was going through a bout of separation anxiety and the 9 month sleep regression, and had I not almost lost my marbles, I know I never would have even considered it (so please don't revoke my AP card). My situation led up to it, and I let myself get too far into it to try any gentler methods. I was on the couch after bath with her in my lap until bedtime, where she slept with me and I couldn't even go pee alone without her squalling. So I really just needed some me-time before I went crazy. I was still very AP during the day and continued to wear her, nurse her on cue, etc. It took a long time, getting better gradually each night, but she finally fell asleep on her own when I put her in the crib. I had to use "the method" occasionally off and on to "remind" her, so it wasn't even a do-it once and you are all good type thing. This is one of my biggest regrets of my life. Here I thought it was me, that my mommy instincts were broken and I was doing something wrong, not reading her cries, etc and now I see so much of this is just her inherent personality. And I am so worried that in doing so, I created stress and anxiety in a child who is so clearly predispositioned to it. I can't go back, I can't change it, but I most certainly will NEVER do that to another baby. I try to forgive myself, but I think some level of doubt will always be there. I will always wonder if I made it worse.
That is some background. Now, as a soon-to-be kindergartener, she HATES to be alone and has a hard time even playing by herself, despite her toys, projects, and games. Unless she is pooping, she detests to the point of freak-out being by herself in a room with the door closed,. Hmmm...wonder why? To some degree she has always needed to be in close physical proximity to me, but did I push something over the edge with the damn ferberizing??? Anyways, she goes to Montessori school and does beautifully there. She is independent but also loves working in small groups with her friends, which is in the nature of that schooling. She does children's church, camps, bible school, playdates, and one-sleep overs with family without me and she does great. But at home, she is SO needy of one of us, and no matter how much time we spend one-on-one, it is never enough and she demands more. At night, she needs someone to lie with her to fall asleep (which is fine). Around 3 years old, when my husband deployed, she came back into my bed and ended up there the whole deployment. We added my husband back 7 months later, and all of us shared the family bed, and that has been healing for me. I got pregnant shortly after he got back, and after I delivered, he moved into her room with her, while I share with my son. And that is our current arrangement. Both rooms have king size beds, my husband sleeps with her and I with the baby. It works for now. My husband gets frustrated at times, but under no circumstance will I ever put her through something like that again. I just won't. It was something that was a product of where I was in my life at the time, I feel guilt over it, but now I know better. (that turned into sort of a confession. Thanks for letting me unload. Even some of the earlier blog posts just make me cringe. I considered deleting them, but decided that it was all a part of the evolution of who I am today. For better or for worse, I guess. Maybe I can let some of it go now?)
Aside from all of that, she had a very persistent personality. She has always been a girl who knows her own mind, and is not deterred easily. She has spirit, and I love that about her. As a toddler, I was challenged as any new mom is, but had no issue with discipline. I used gentle principles and understood age-appropriate behavior, so it was all okay. But it seemed like when she turned 3.5 all hell broke loose. Of course my husband was on deployment and I was solo parenting. Some of my darkest parenting days were during that time. Got a bit better at four, plus daddy was home again. Then came the pregnancy, getting our house ready to sell, some pregnancy drama, the birth, a move, a new school, daddy home all the time (when he was hardly ever home before), and getting adjusted to a new role in the family and a new place. YIKES! I was stressed the hell out, I can't even imagine how she felt. So we have had a lot going on. At 5, her personality and behavior is still just so INTENSE. And that is hard. Watch out if things don't go her way! We have a strong household/family rhythm to our days, I have simplified, she has loving boundaries, offered healthy foods, etc. Some part of me suspects a food intolerance/allergy, although I have never really been able to make a strong correlation (may have her blood tested to check immune response).
Now there is nothing wrong with her. It is just who she is, I would just like to modulate her responses a bit. Her teachers would probably never even believe me if I told them how she was at home sometimes. I guess I expected it to get easier as she got older and out of the new baby/needy stage. But it is just different, and sometimes harder. I find it is not as easy to be gentle as it was in the baby/toddler years and I lose my patience quite frequently (although she totally knows how to push buttons as well, trust me!) Over the last couple months I have read 10 parenting books, yes, seriously. Most were helpful, a few I LOVED and am still working through, one not so much. The main points overlap so I am just taking what I find helpful from each (a skill I obviously have learned over time, wish I could have done that with all the damn sleep books I read when she was a baby, but I digress!). But it seems like when I am reading these books, my parenting actually gets worse in the meantime, a lot of reacting versus responding. It is frustrating because the reality of my parenting as of late looks a hell of a lot different than my ideals and I HATE it. I am trying to change.
What bothers me the most is I used to find it so easy to connect with her, and at times I wonder if this is indeed that same baby who just couldn't be a part from me for 2 minutes while I used the bathroom solo. She is very close with her dad now, which is a beautiful thing, and is gaining independence in ways which are healthy and normal. But, outside influences from school, etc, creep in. All of this is natural and okay, but I hate finding myself at a loss in the middle of a situation in which I have lost all control. And my personality doesn't like that at all, and then I get all my father on her, which is not productive. (btw, I love my dad and we have a great relationship. But he is a cop and has a certain way about him that I can just channel when I feel it necessary, many times unknowingly until after the fact. Crazy genetics). I love, understand, and totally "buy into" the whole concept of respecting your child, positive discipline, etc. I don't believe in physical violence, time outs, belittling, and yelling and can't understand how that teaches a child anything. But boy when she won't stop hitting or yelling or laughs in my face when I correct her, ohymygoodgracious, I could go all exorcist on her, let me tell you. And there are times I have. Again, regrets, but it is a learning process and I am trying to do better.
A lot of it is us, I think we have fallen into some "conventional" ways of speaking/disciplining despite our best intentions, (use of rewards, taking away priveleges, etc). So it is a practical matter of methodology in some ways; in others, it is a perspective shift and an understanding that is missing. It used to be so easy to get there, and as she gets older, it is harder and harder. And that scares the bejesus out of me. I want to have an attached child, especially during the school years/adolescence with all the crazy that has been going on out there; and I am just afraid we are heading down a bad path, so I am trying to redirect and change course. I don't know how to get there in myself, and it is disappointing and maddening. This I think is the root of the problem, once I can correct myself, then ultimately the house follows suit. I don't know why I am having such a hard time with it. I have prayed, read, meditated, etc and I just can't seem to get there.
Having another child (who is insanely almost a year old already), and doing the same AP practices as I did with my daughter, has been very eye-opening for me. He is SO much easier, everyone says that he is the happiest baby they have ever seen. He is smiley and laid back - the kid got 2 teeth and I didn't even know! But it really drives the point home that this is a personality issue with my daughter in so many ways. I wonder if there is some aspect of the way that I was parented which is causing some of my own issues with her now, but nothing obvious comes to mind. I don't know, something just needs to change.
I spent a lot of time of her infancy in doubt, and as she's gotten older, in regret of the sleep training. Especially given her sensitive nature. But, it is not only genetics, it is environment. And while that makes me cringe thinking about ferberizing, I also did a lot for her by practicing Attachment Parenting in all the other aspects. Maybe that balances it all out? Maybe she is confident and independent because of all that? I don't know. I try. And, I believe I AM a good mom, not because I always get it right, but because I keep showing up every blessed day, and I keep trying to do better.
My daughter is intense, spirited, mercurial, and sensitive - my challenge! But she is also funny, joyful, smart, lovable, curious, enthusiastic, and insightful. She pushes every limit I have, and I do not doubt for one second that God put her here on earth for me to become a better person!
_________________________________________________________
I was talking to a man somewhere and he was telling me about his grandchildren. He said, "I enjoy them so much more than I did my own kids. You know, you are always busy and working when they are younger. I love my grandkids!" And while I felt very happy for his grandkids, my heart felt very sad at that statement. I want to enjoy my kids NOW! I don't want to look back and say, "well, here's to grandkids since I got no time with my own kids!" Our life is very conducive to slowing down and really appreciating our life and our blessings. Can there be improvements? Sure. And trying to keep it simple is still a huge priority. I want to get myself to a place where I can parent more confidently and have a more open mind and heart. I want to be present. I want to create joy and cultivate gratitude. I want to be here. Maybe this should be my focus, while keeping my face turned upward for guidance. We'll see how it goes, I will keep you posted. If you have stayed with me to the end of this, I thank you for "listening". It felt good to clear myself of these cobwebs. I only hope it was semi-coherent!
Lately (for the last 1.75 yrs) I have had a harder time parenting my daughter. This is very frustrating to me as I strive to be a gentle parent. At the end of the day, my daughter knows she is loved unconditionally, or so I hope, but I wonder what messages and lessons are sticking with her that would make me cringe. Not that I am in any way abusive, but it is just so far from where I would like to be, it is maddening.
If there is a word to describe my girl, it would be more. She was born not wanting, but needing, more of me. She had to be on me or nursing to sleep. She needed me to hold her, sit with her, be with her literally all. of. the. time. Even as young as 2 weeks, she would scream if she wasn't with me or if someone else tried to take her. Even with me, she sometimes still cried. I went dairy free and tried every colic remedy in the book, to figure out what was wrong with her; and 5 years and another child later, I still have no answers. I think she has a very sensitive nature and just needed some major help adapting. She is also a very bright and perceptive child, and is in her own head a lot. I felt very attached to her, literally and figuratively, in both good and bad ways. It was tough on me, luckily I had (and still do) a very supportive husband who understood that my only job could be to care for her.
I often felt an unspoken sort of judgement that I wasn't doing things the "right" way, because if I was, she certainly wouldn't be this way, right? If I just set her down more, fed her formula and didn't nurse all the time, got her out of my bed, trained her to sleep, left her more often, socialized her more, had a better routine, fed her rice cereal, let her fuss a bit, didn't medicate her, did medicate her, on and on and on... I felt at times like I couldn't do anything right. A lot of this may have been perceived due to my own mental state, so I am not sure how realistic it is, but I did feel a lot of pressure. Ultimately I did what I felt was right, which was extended breastfeeding, babywearing, and cosleeping. Until the day she started crawling and I had a meltdown because now I didn't even get the 10-15 minutes of her playing happily with toys as a break anymore, I had to chase her (because when I say she needed me all the time, that is no exaggeration!). This is when all the sleep training peer pressure crept in, and I allowed myself to believe it.
So, I caved, and went at it whole hog with the help of my mother (whom we were living with at the time). It was awful. She doesn't just cry, she would (for any thing, big or small) go from 0 to 60 in 0.0003 seconds. (no differentiating cries here, it was one cry and one cry only. DISTRESS!!!) So that just sucked. My daughter was going through a bout of separation anxiety and the 9 month sleep regression, and had I not almost lost my marbles, I know I never would have even considered it (so please don't revoke my AP card). My situation led up to it, and I let myself get too far into it to try any gentler methods. I was on the couch after bath with her in my lap until bedtime, where she slept with me and I couldn't even go pee alone without her squalling. So I really just needed some me-time before I went crazy. I was still very AP during the day and continued to wear her, nurse her on cue, etc. It took a long time, getting better gradually each night, but she finally fell asleep on her own when I put her in the crib. I had to use "the method" occasionally off and on to "remind" her, so it wasn't even a do-it once and you are all good type thing. This is one of my biggest regrets of my life. Here I thought it was me, that my mommy instincts were broken and I was doing something wrong, not reading her cries, etc and now I see so much of this is just her inherent personality. And I am so worried that in doing so, I created stress and anxiety in a child who is so clearly predispositioned to it. I can't go back, I can't change it, but I most certainly will NEVER do that to another baby. I try to forgive myself, but I think some level of doubt will always be there. I will always wonder if I made it worse.
That is some background. Now, as a soon-to-be kindergartener, she HATES to be alone and has a hard time even playing by herself, despite her toys, projects, and games. Unless she is pooping, she detests to the point of freak-out being by herself in a room with the door closed,. Hmmm...wonder why? To some degree she has always needed to be in close physical proximity to me, but did I push something over the edge with the damn ferberizing??? Anyways, she goes to Montessori school and does beautifully there. She is independent but also loves working in small groups with her friends, which is in the nature of that schooling. She does children's church, camps, bible school, playdates, and one-sleep overs with family without me and she does great. But at home, she is SO needy of one of us, and no matter how much time we spend one-on-one, it is never enough and she demands more. At night, she needs someone to lie with her to fall asleep (which is fine). Around 3 years old, when my husband deployed, she came back into my bed and ended up there the whole deployment. We added my husband back 7 months later, and all of us shared the family bed, and that has been healing for me. I got pregnant shortly after he got back, and after I delivered, he moved into her room with her, while I share with my son. And that is our current arrangement. Both rooms have king size beds, my husband sleeps with her and I with the baby. It works for now. My husband gets frustrated at times, but under no circumstance will I ever put her through something like that again. I just won't. It was something that was a product of where I was in my life at the time, I feel guilt over it, but now I know better. (that turned into sort of a confession. Thanks for letting me unload. Even some of the earlier blog posts just make me cringe. I considered deleting them, but decided that it was all a part of the evolution of who I am today. For better or for worse, I guess. Maybe I can let some of it go now?)
Aside from all of that, she had a very persistent personality. She has always been a girl who knows her own mind, and is not deterred easily. She has spirit, and I love that about her. As a toddler, I was challenged as any new mom is, but had no issue with discipline. I used gentle principles and understood age-appropriate behavior, so it was all okay. But it seemed like when she turned 3.5 all hell broke loose. Of course my husband was on deployment and I was solo parenting. Some of my darkest parenting days were during that time. Got a bit better at four, plus daddy was home again. Then came the pregnancy, getting our house ready to sell, some pregnancy drama, the birth, a move, a new school, daddy home all the time (when he was hardly ever home before), and getting adjusted to a new role in the family and a new place. YIKES! I was stressed the hell out, I can't even imagine how she felt. So we have had a lot going on. At 5, her personality and behavior is still just so INTENSE. And that is hard. Watch out if things don't go her way! We have a strong household/family rhythm to our days, I have simplified, she has loving boundaries, offered healthy foods, etc. Some part of me suspects a food intolerance/allergy, although I have never really been able to make a strong correlation (may have her blood tested to check immune response).
Now there is nothing wrong with her. It is just who she is, I would just like to modulate her responses a bit. Her teachers would probably never even believe me if I told them how she was at home sometimes. I guess I expected it to get easier as she got older and out of the new baby/needy stage. But it is just different, and sometimes harder. I find it is not as easy to be gentle as it was in the baby/toddler years and I lose my patience quite frequently (although she totally knows how to push buttons as well, trust me!) Over the last couple months I have read 10 parenting books, yes, seriously. Most were helpful, a few I LOVED and am still working through, one not so much. The main points overlap so I am just taking what I find helpful from each (a skill I obviously have learned over time, wish I could have done that with all the damn sleep books I read when she was a baby, but I digress!). But it seems like when I am reading these books, my parenting actually gets worse in the meantime, a lot of reacting versus responding. It is frustrating because the reality of my parenting as of late looks a hell of a lot different than my ideals and I HATE it. I am trying to change.
What bothers me the most is I used to find it so easy to connect with her, and at times I wonder if this is indeed that same baby who just couldn't be a part from me for 2 minutes while I used the bathroom solo. She is very close with her dad now, which is a beautiful thing, and is gaining independence in ways which are healthy and normal. But, outside influences from school, etc, creep in. All of this is natural and okay, but I hate finding myself at a loss in the middle of a situation in which I have lost all control. And my personality doesn't like that at all, and then I get all my father on her, which is not productive. (btw, I love my dad and we have a great relationship. But he is a cop and has a certain way about him that I can just channel when I feel it necessary, many times unknowingly until after the fact. Crazy genetics). I love, understand, and totally "buy into" the whole concept of respecting your child, positive discipline, etc. I don't believe in physical violence, time outs, belittling, and yelling and can't understand how that teaches a child anything. But boy when she won't stop hitting or yelling or laughs in my face when I correct her, ohymygoodgracious, I could go all exorcist on her, let me tell you. And there are times I have. Again, regrets, but it is a learning process and I am trying to do better.
A lot of it is us, I think we have fallen into some "conventional" ways of speaking/disciplining despite our best intentions, (use of rewards, taking away priveleges, etc). So it is a practical matter of methodology in some ways; in others, it is a perspective shift and an understanding that is missing. It used to be so easy to get there, and as she gets older, it is harder and harder. And that scares the bejesus out of me. I want to have an attached child, especially during the school years/adolescence with all the crazy that has been going on out there; and I am just afraid we are heading down a bad path, so I am trying to redirect and change course. I don't know how to get there in myself, and it is disappointing and maddening. This I think is the root of the problem, once I can correct myself, then ultimately the house follows suit. I don't know why I am having such a hard time with it. I have prayed, read, meditated, etc and I just can't seem to get there.
Having another child (who is insanely almost a year old already), and doing the same AP practices as I did with my daughter, has been very eye-opening for me. He is SO much easier, everyone says that he is the happiest baby they have ever seen. He is smiley and laid back - the kid got 2 teeth and I didn't even know! But it really drives the point home that this is a personality issue with my daughter in so many ways. I wonder if there is some aspect of the way that I was parented which is causing some of my own issues with her now, but nothing obvious comes to mind. I don't know, something just needs to change.
I spent a lot of time of her infancy in doubt, and as she's gotten older, in regret of the sleep training. Especially given her sensitive nature. But, it is not only genetics, it is environment. And while that makes me cringe thinking about ferberizing, I also did a lot for her by practicing Attachment Parenting in all the other aspects. Maybe that balances it all out? Maybe she is confident and independent because of all that? I don't know. I try. And, I believe I AM a good mom, not because I always get it right, but because I keep showing up every blessed day, and I keep trying to do better.
My daughter is intense, spirited, mercurial, and sensitive - my challenge! But she is also funny, joyful, smart, lovable, curious, enthusiastic, and insightful. She pushes every limit I have, and I do not doubt for one second that God put her here on earth for me to become a better person!
_________________________________________________________
I was talking to a man somewhere and he was telling me about his grandchildren. He said, "I enjoy them so much more than I did my own kids. You know, you are always busy and working when they are younger. I love my grandkids!" And while I felt very happy for his grandkids, my heart felt very sad at that statement. I want to enjoy my kids NOW! I don't want to look back and say, "well, here's to grandkids since I got no time with my own kids!" Our life is very conducive to slowing down and really appreciating our life and our blessings. Can there be improvements? Sure. And trying to keep it simple is still a huge priority. I want to get myself to a place where I can parent more confidently and have a more open mind and heart. I want to be present. I want to create joy and cultivate gratitude. I want to be here. Maybe this should be my focus, while keeping my face turned upward for guidance. We'll see how it goes, I will keep you posted. If you have stayed with me to the end of this, I thank you for "listening". It felt good to clear myself of these cobwebs. I only hope it was semi-coherent!
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Upheaval
The month of June has seen the return of my father from his 7 month deployment, my mother joining him up here for 2 weeks, Emily finishing school, my husband playing on a softball team, revamping the playroom (again), tremendous heat for this area as of late, Oliver not wanting to sleep (hello 9 month sleep regression), and my husband needing minor surgery for an injury from said softball game. As one can well imagine, we are FAR off our family rhythm. This isn't necessarily a bad thing for a short time, but we are so out of whack. ALL of us. Having the preschooler home is wonderful, but since my parents were here prior I got nothing done and now am trying to play catch up with the house stuff and myriad projects I am in the midst of. And it looks nothing like I thought in my head of how our summer would be. This week is a wash anyways so we will try again. And again. She has camp next week so at least she will get some fun activities. I also forgot how confounding a baby can be, especially one that actually naps. Hopefully we will get our kiddie pool up and running and some sand for the sand box so at least home can have some fun outdoor activities when he is sleeping (and awake). It has been super hot here the last 2 days and I have been miserable! I don't care how hot it is outside, but I also don't want it to match the inside of my house. My stomach hurts, I feel fat and swollen, am craving carbs, and have absolutely no energy. Plus I am a total bitch when I am hot. Woke up this morning after sleeping poorly (we all did at a balmy 87 degrees), and was mad to feel hung over without any fun to show for it. And like on purpose my baby has been extra clingy, needing me and my lap, even if not necessarily to nurse. Can you say sweaty?!? My husband said it was a good thing he wasn't with me when I was deployed to Kuwait! Anyways, I really need to get back to Primal eating where I feel sooooo much better. Amazing how carbs and crap are so addicting, like crack (or what I hear about it anyways, I have no firsthand knowledge.) Thank God my summer CSA has started and we are eating lovely food (when Iam home and on track enough to cook). Desperately need to find a rhythm for summer that works for everyone and lets me accomplish what I need, including family fun time. Thankfully we also splurged on some window units so I can be functional and not just a catastrophe. Lots to work on, and we will get there. The pendulum will equilibrate eventually. On the meantime I am trying not to be so overwhelmed and take it day by day. Sorry this post is whiny but I needed to vent. Also it is a run on paragraph as I am blogging from my phone and the keyboard isn't working. I have a good one I am pondering that sort of keeps evolving and when I find time to conceptualize what it is I am trying to say, AND then find the time to get it out of my head onto the screen, it will have a bit more substance. Now my little nursling is asleep, I am going to attempt to put him down. Wish me luck!
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Unfinished
I have about 3 unfinished posts swirling in my head and scribbled on scraps which I am hoping someday to get up here. Right now I must tend to my teething wakeful baby. Until then...
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Bringing Lent to Life
(This is a repeat post from my family blog, I apologize to any dual readers. For some reason, blogger is being funny about me uploading the pics, I will work on that and will update. The narrative is still good, for now.)
This year we used a book called Bringing Lent to Life to help Emily understand what it is all about. It is a fabulous book for parents and children to really bring the idea of Lent home with tangible projects. Our ongoing project was our Lent Tree. We started with it plain and had different activities in the book every week to put on the leaves. We also made flowers of different colors to represent praying for people, petitions, and praise (blessings). We discussed different topics each week, and it is written just for kids so you don't have to think of what to say on your own. Super helpful!
For Holy Week, (and especially since the Mass times didn't work for our family), we had different activities as well. Holy Thursday we read the Last Supper from her children's bible and passed around bread (plastic since we don't eat it anymore!) and wine and shared a sip, representing the eucharist. Eric then washed our feet, and then Emily returned the favor for him! Good Friday I didn't get a picture, but the table was clothed in red with our crucifix on it. We read the Passion from her bible and said a prayer of thanks. Holy Saturday we had flowers and a candle, and read about the Resurrection. And Easter we feasted in celebration :) I loved doing this and plan to make it a tradition.
Emily was SO INTO Jesus and learning about her faith and hearing more about His life, it was so cool! She had so many questions and I loved seeing how her mind worked. We read a story book about Jesus' life and all the miracles he performed. She attends Children's Church every week at Mass and really does pay attention, trying to absorb and understand what is being said. On Palm Sunday, we watched The Jesus Movie, a cartoon based on the gospels which is fabulous and appropriate. She watched it twice and we talked about different parts, tying it in to what she has heard or read about elsewhere. In addition to our nightly prayers, we started doing "love letters." This was originially an idea in the Lent book but instead of writing out letters weekly, we chose to say something that we love about each member of our family every night. This was such a great exercise and really helped us be specific in the ways we appreciate and love on another. My Lenten Promise was to say the rosary ever day, which I did pretty consistently, and Emily was fascinated with the whole thing and wanted to learn it. I gave her one of mine from when I was a kid, which had blue beads for the Our Fathers and pink for the Hail Marys. It helped her see how to do it. She actually prayed a whole rosary with me twice and we said countless decades in the car. Our chuch had a Good Friday camp this year and I kept Emily from school so she could attend. They painted and did a kids' Stations of the Cross, and completed a booklet on the events from Palm Sunday until the Resurrection. They also made Resurrection Eggs, which was another activity in the Lent book, but I knew they were doing it at camp. They are 12 plastic eggs with reminders of the story of Christ in each egg, 11 items like a nail, cross, leather cord (whip), etc, and the twelfth is empty to signify the tomb. Emily continues to look at them and show us daily. It was a really enriching experience for her and I am glad she went.
Watching her attempting to grasp concepts of her Faith and growing in her knowledge and love for Jesus was amazing for me and really boosted my own journey to the cross. I plan on using that book every year as I think it really sets Lent apart as a special time, and not just about giving something up. It also brings home the point that Easter is about the Resurrection of our Lord, NOT the bunny, eggs, and baskets. (although that can be a fun part of celebrating, it is not the true meaning. Much like Christmas.) It was a great experience and a really cool thing to witness as a parent and I look forward to finding more ways that we can grow as a family in our faith and closer to God.
This year we used a book called Bringing Lent to Life to help Emily understand what it is all about. It is a fabulous book for parents and children to really bring the idea of Lent home with tangible projects. Our ongoing project was our Lent Tree. We started with it plain and had different activities in the book every week to put on the leaves. We also made flowers of different colors to represent praying for people, petitions, and praise (blessings). We discussed different topics each week, and it is written just for kids so you don't have to think of what to say on your own. Super helpful!
For Holy Week, (and especially since the Mass times didn't work for our family), we had different activities as well. Holy Thursday we read the Last Supper from her children's bible and passed around bread (plastic since we don't eat it anymore!) and wine and shared a sip, representing the eucharist. Eric then washed our feet, and then Emily returned the favor for him! Good Friday I didn't get a picture, but the table was clothed in red with our crucifix on it. We read the Passion from her bible and said a prayer of thanks. Holy Saturday we had flowers and a candle, and read about the Resurrection. And Easter we feasted in celebration :) I loved doing this and plan to make it a tradition.
Emily was SO INTO Jesus and learning about her faith and hearing more about His life, it was so cool! She had so many questions and I loved seeing how her mind worked. We read a story book about Jesus' life and all the miracles he performed. She attends Children's Church every week at Mass and really does pay attention, trying to absorb and understand what is being said. On Palm Sunday, we watched The Jesus Movie, a cartoon based on the gospels which is fabulous and appropriate. She watched it twice and we talked about different parts, tying it in to what she has heard or read about elsewhere. In addition to our nightly prayers, we started doing "love letters." This was originially an idea in the Lent book but instead of writing out letters weekly, we chose to say something that we love about each member of our family every night. This was such a great exercise and really helped us be specific in the ways we appreciate and love on another. My Lenten Promise was to say the rosary ever day, which I did pretty consistently, and Emily was fascinated with the whole thing and wanted to learn it. I gave her one of mine from when I was a kid, which had blue beads for the Our Fathers and pink for the Hail Marys. It helped her see how to do it. She actually prayed a whole rosary with me twice and we said countless decades in the car. Our chuch had a Good Friday camp this year and I kept Emily from school so she could attend. They painted and did a kids' Stations of the Cross, and completed a booklet on the events from Palm Sunday until the Resurrection. They also made Resurrection Eggs, which was another activity in the Lent book, but I knew they were doing it at camp. They are 12 plastic eggs with reminders of the story of Christ in each egg, 11 items like a nail, cross, leather cord (whip), etc, and the twelfth is empty to signify the tomb. Emily continues to look at them and show us daily. It was a really enriching experience for her and I am glad she went.
Watching her attempting to grasp concepts of her Faith and growing in her knowledge and love for Jesus was amazing for me and really boosted my own journey to the cross. I plan on using that book every year as I think it really sets Lent apart as a special time, and not just about giving something up. It also brings home the point that Easter is about the Resurrection of our Lord, NOT the bunny, eggs, and baskets. (although that can be a fun part of celebrating, it is not the true meaning. Much like Christmas.) It was a great experience and a really cool thing to witness as a parent and I look forward to finding more ways that we can grow as a family in our faith and closer to God.
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