Welcome to the Wonderful World of (temporary) Single Parenting

As of about 2 weeks ago, I am now a single parent 24/7 for about 7 or so months thanks.  Did you pick up the excitement in my voice?  No, maybe it was more like anxiety and fear!  Actually, things have gone pretty well so far, with only a few minor incidents.  I have had to make sure she understood that although she misses her daddy (and so do I), we still have limits and boundaries.  Being consistent with appropriate follow-through is an absolute necessity anyways, but especially when I am "it" for the next half-year with no back-up, it has become a way of life.  I told her it would be a long 7 months otherwise so we needed to work things out.  I have to finish reading Raising Your Spirited Child and do that parenting seminar I have been wanting to do, because I am sure there are better ways to do things.  But I think that, at least for now (and with a totally crazy busy vacation and lack of a good sleep schedule), she has been doing quite well.  Also, did I mention I pray for patience and compassion and responsiveness MANY times a day?!?

Another thing weighing on my mind is the whole school issue.  I really feel like she is ready for something more, but am between wanting her to be a kid and not pushing her and holding her back from such a sensitive period of learning in her life.  Clearly she is a bright kid - immensely verbal, curious, interested and acutely aware of her surroundings, inquisitive, and possessing a memory like an elephant.  So I walk the tightrope of the whole situation trying to find balance.  I am seeing how she is really trying to interact with other kids lately, and so something in me is telling me it is time for a change.  I am researching Montessori as their theory and philosophy seems to really mesh with my own ideals and her personality.  We have an interview on Monday at a school to judge whether both the school and us think this is a good fit.  I am very nervous about the whole change concept though for her, especially during this very tumultuous time, amongst other things - I am just a worried Mommy.  What I have eventually boiled it down to thus far is if I can afford it, she is worth the time and money to at least give it a shot.  We will never know if we don't try.  If she is unhappy or having a hard time, we can always change.  Nothing is set in stone.  Any other moms have any "school" readiness signs?  This is obviously my first time, so I need some data points.  It just sucks because although I can email my husband about it, I still feel very alone with such a (in my mind) BIG decision.

Add to this we are working on potty learning (going well as of now, but can be hit or miss) and she has been sleeping in a big girl bed here at the grandparents' (and I have been staying with her until she is asleep).  So do we go back to the crib at home (and falling asleep on her own) or continue this big-girl bed trend and work upward from there?  We are leaving this weekend to head back home and I think she is going to have a really rough time leaving my dad the most - she keeps saying she is staying here and doesn't want to go back home.  Some transference of feelings about daddy leaving, I think.   ARRGGHH!  It is just a LOT in a little bit of time and I really don't want to overwhelm her or myself, again, lest you all forget, I am solo now!  I just have no one to casually bounce these things off of anymore, no one who really knows her like we do.  Although, he would probably only defer to me anyways, so maybe it will be easier with only myself to be accountable to?   BIG SIGH.

Lest you all think I am only whining (well, just a little bit - c'mon, cut me some slack!), I do find a HUGE opportunity and silver lining in all of this.  I am using this as a time of personal transformation of myself as a woman, mother, professional, wife, Catholic, and an individual.  I am concentrating on eating right, exercising, improving my work habits and financial situation through commitment and discipline, organizing the house/kid stuff, growing in my faith, and purging my house and life of all the extra (and often unnecessary) crap.  The theme for this time is getting back to basics and being more natural.  Some things I need to work on, especially after this trip, is cooking more at home and going toward a more wholesome and nutritious diet; modeling daily exercise, even if just a daily evening walk; playing and doing more activities outside; cutting out the tv and junk; saving money; considering the products I use on a daily basis, and making more of them from natural ingredients (already have cleaning supplies, just did my own deodorant (works better than store-bought), and laundry detergent is next) - more on this later; and learning more about my body and my fertility through Fertility Awareness Methods (its like a big puzzle - so fun to unlock the pattern!).

Also, a BIG professional project came through for sure right as E was packing up to head out - perfect timing for me.  And I am always revamping my business and class stuff, and want to bone up on my clinical knowledge.  I am going to try to get a cross-stitch done (a lofty goal, but a hobby I loved but have long since enjoyed), and maybe do some personal reading?!?  See, being busy is a strong suite for me, but like everything in my life, I am striving for balance in these different areas with the goal of improvement in all of them.  And I can never forget my full-time job my raison d'etre - my beautiful baby girl.  Need to ensure she remains the priority.

This is also a wonderful challenge for E and I to grow closer and improve our relationship even more despite the miles separating us.  Both of us, although reluctant for him to go, have really embraced this, and look forward to exceeding our expectations.  We each have personal goals for this deployment all while aspiring to mesh in a way we never have.

Bored?  Nah, not me.  Will I live up to these ideals?  I can only dream.  Hopefully I will take all these things in stride, recognizing that in time, all good things will come.  I am not trying to kill myself!  Patience needs to reign supreme in my house - both with my daughter, myself, and my situation.  But, pray for me still, okay?  And I will keep you posted...

EDITED to add:  Found a bunch of blog posts on these topics in my drafts that apparently I was going to get to, but never did.  I will add that info in later when I can go through them all coherently.  For now, it is late, and I am done! (No wonder I felt like I was repeating myself!)