Irony

Facebook has been frustrating me lately.  When I nurse or am otherwise "stuck" in a chair with a sleeping baby, I often scroll through Facebook on my phone.  And for some reason, it is making me a bit crazy and I am not sure why.  It is almost overstimulating, all the links, photos, and information sometimes makes my head swim.  I have always enjoyed Facebook, but now am having some ambivalence.  I also have always read a bunch of blogs on nutrition, breastfeeding, parenting, etc.  They give me ideas and tools to use that I never considered.  I have cleaned up the ole Google Reader and have started reading them again, and for all except a few, I am feeling the same way.  Information overload maybe?

Another thought.  Your family and childhood friends know you, how you have come up in the world, and your backstory.  They knew you when.  I have often wished through life when I met someone new, especially in college, "oh, if you only knew me back in the day, you would understand why I am like this."  So true.  But as time has marched on, I have grown and evolved into a completely different person along the way.  That person I was then is still there, but in a whole new way.  I have traveled many different paths to arrive where I am now.  And, in the process, have collected and surrounded myself with a bunch of friends who are similar to me and how I live my life.  They are my advice columnists, my support, my normalcy.  We are not exactly the same, and differ widely in the areas of religion, politics, etc, but I know who my peeps are for each and every circumstance that may come up.  I feel like Verizon, I have a Network.  It occurred to me recently that the very same family that I felt used to really "get" me, doesn't really even know the real me anymore.  Of course when you go home, you sort of succumb to who you were and flashes of the now come out occasionally.  But do they understand?  Do they "get" me now?  This divide often leaves me feeling defensive, but I am learning to shrug it off.  I think they are comfortable with who they think they know, and that is enough.  [I don't even know if this makes sense to anyone, because I am having a hard time putting into words what I am feeling.  And no, I am not leading a secret life.] 

If you followed that at all, you will probably think this is normal stuff people realize all the time.  Not sure why this was such a revelation to me the other day.  Facebook has a habit of bringing this to light, though, as all "friends" from all walks of life converge on your thoughts or links shared.  And since I have been feeling a bit irked by all the online media, I am considering taking break from it for a while.  Just tossing it around, no plans just yet.  Maybe for Lent?  The problem is I really like the connection I have to so many friends and resources who I have moved away from.  Maybe I just need new limits?

Ultimately, as much as I use the internet for research, ideas, etc, the "voices" can be too many, and after awhile they all sound the same.  Maybe some truths I need to discover on my own.  Maybe I need to focus on just being.  And let the cards fall where they may.  Who knows, these are all things I am working out in my already overstimulated brain.  Maybe it is because my life has slowed down to a comfortable pace and it feels so good that all the rest feels like "too much". 

I am just writing out loud here, people.  This is my space, my one spot, that I can truly be "me".  Yes it is published online, but I don't share with many people.  If they stumble across it, that is fine.  Obviously, it is public.  I just like having something concrete that I can pour the litany of thoughts into and get it out of my brain.  Just another stop on the information superhighway, adding to the overload.  Oh, the irony!