Confession: I win the worst mommy of the year award (yet again)!
Okay, so despite the fact that my child has only 4.5 teeth to her name, and we are waiting for number 6 to erupt anytime now, she has 2 MOLARS coming in on the top!!! WTF?!? Therein lies the cause of all (well, most anyways of) our discontent.
And I have been letting her cry. This is eating me alive right now, I cried after I saw those molars. In my own defense, I did not know that teeth did not come in order! With the rate her teeth come in, I was expecting molars at age 3! I know she fits the general time frame, but we don't even have all of the incisors yet, or canines! I also had NO IDEA what was going on (see previous post).
I can't imagine how confusing this was to her because I am normally extremely responsive to her. She probably felt alone, abandoned, hurt, and not to even mention, physical pain (or at the very least, discomfort). This was so not what I wanted to be, not the parent I pride myself on being. Last night's post probably didn't articulate well what I was trying to say with regards to my feelings and lack of creativity. At the risk of being repetitive, here is another stab at it. I really want to tailor individual interventions and methods to meet my daughter's unique personality and needs, yet I find myself too afraid to veer off the path layed out for me by others. A path I don't always agree with. Am I scared of "undoing" all the sleep training we had done before, or that it would all be for naught if I picked her up and loved her and started over another night. Surely that wouldn't set a precedent (or would it?). Or was I too selfish, too desperate for the "me time" I feel I already get too little of that I couldn't take some extra time with her? Just stick to the plan and it will work, right?
AAACCCKKK!!! I am not proud and have no idea how I got here. I am really trying to put the plan from yesterday's post into play and today went much better. Same struggles, different spin and perspective. I am happy that I didn't stop her from coming into our bed at night, or try to curb the almost constant need to nurse (as frustrating as it can be at times!). And, I am glad that I didn't force the nap issue. Pain and discomfort always seem to bother her most when she is ready for sleep, as there are no coping skills left or nothing to distract her mind. (and DUH! the nights she really didn't eat or refused medicine are also the nights she tended to cry harder and longer!)
I can't say I will never use sleep training again, I do believe for some children it has a time and place. And, as I posted before, we have usually had great success with it. However, now that I am more aware of the crazy teething cycle and my daughter's response, I will try to be in-tune with what is going on at the moment. Gotta just add some tools to my toolbox. Plus I am learning to sneak in the medicine when I think she needs it. I pretend to give it to the dog she is most frustrated with, and she can't even tolerate that, so she takes it without a problem. Hey! Maybe I will get the hang of creative parenting after all...
It's really hard feeling not just that you didn't get it right, but that you completely failed. I just hope the last week or so hasn't scarred her permanently! Tomorrow is another day to try to get it "right" (or as close to it as I come) I guess.
4 comments:
And just to make life even more complicated, tonight, despite motrin and hurricaine gel on her gums, she screamed and cried for what seemed like forever. Daddy tried to get her to sleep to no avail in a gentle manner, but finally did after much crying in between. I think there is some element of developmental stage/regression thing going on here too. What to do about it? I have NO idea, obviously.
I think teething was a major player, but I really think the constant boobing, especially to sleep during the day for naps is a HUGE factor. Really I am starting to believe it is mostly age/stage and testing me/wanting "milk". Eventually she is getting an intervention, which is leading her persistence. Hmmm. We will see how tomorrow night goes with daddy not here to put her to sleep finally.
See how I vacillate between extremes. It just hit me tonight that I am not THAT bad of a mother and I need to stop with the self-critism. God I am so hard on myself - especially when it comes to her!
You are definitely being too hard on yourself. This parenting gig is not easy! And maybe it's not you... maybe your child is just one that is harder to read. Mine certainly can be!
I don't know what to tell you on the sleeping. We have so many issues around that and have tried so many things that I can only comisserate! Although I will say something I learned from Ask Moxie and hedra, which is that sleep does not simply move forward. It regresses and gets worse for no reason that can be attributed to parenting. I think hedra recently was saying that parents shouldn't look at sleep as something that only improved. It gets better. Then worse. Then better. Then worse.
So don't be so hard on yourself! Best I can figure, we just have to try different things at different times, and something will eventually work at the right time. Or they grow out of it. Or they don't and they go to college and it's not your problem anymore.
That last one didn't help, did it? ;-) Good luck!
I read hedra too and Moxie (which, incidentally, is where I found you, Caramama). Very wise women, you three! Yes, I know I am hard on myself to the point of ridiculousness, but I have never held a more important job. In reality, once I get out my deep seated feelings/fears on here, I am more of a moderate. It helps to vent, so I thank you for all advice and support! Good luck to you!
Post a Comment