Okay, feeling a little less than spiritual lately. Well, I shouldn't even say that - I am feeling spiritual, just lacking time to say my rosary and that has me feeling bad because I did so well over Lent.
Anyways, last week my daughter was sick. Bad days and worse nights. I spent SO much time spinning my wheels and trying to find out information because she is scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning for a tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy. Making phone calls, touching base with my resources, doctor's appointment (no strep!), and paging on-call physicians all included.
This weekend was her actual birthday weekend (3rd and my thoughts on this later) and my mother flew in to be with us through the surgery and recovery period (I mentioned I am blessed with a great family, right?). Because of course, E is gone (not his fault, and was trying to get back, and didn't happen, but still I am essentially solo). We have had two wonderful days but Emmy is thrown off because of a) surgery, b) Gramma is in town, c) daddy is gone, d) it was her birthday and we are ALL off schedule and she has had great lee-way in the diet department, e) she is getting over being ill, or, more than likely, f) ALL OF THE ABOVE!
Goodness, was she a trial today. Defiant, moody, clingy, and hateful all rolled up in one cute-as-a-button little package.
So, I am trying to get all my ducks in a row before tomorrow at 0 dark 30. I thought I prepared her well. But, my "last minute" stops turned into all-out big productions. We did get to have our "Good-bye, Tonsils!" party though, so that was good. Nothing was on my schedule (see above paragraph). I tried to be flexible. But all sorts of having to rearrange my entire life - yet again - occurred! BOOOO.
On top of this, my mini-dachshund is hurt somehow and my first thought for once isn't, "how am I going to pay for this?", but "when am I going to find time to take him in?" (In case you don't know, our dogs are like our kids - but we don't sleep with them!) I at first thought it was his back, but now think it is his paw, so I feel safer in waiting. But it sucks watching him like that.
And just to add insult to injury, I am pre-menstrual. Really?!? Because that was the best plan? Oh well, that explains some of my thinking, mood, and behavior... (how do you spell on-edge and fried?!?)
Now, add in trying to get caught up on stuff and keeping my worry-wart hubby (who is out to sea) up to date. And my mom's phone (which she needs for business) isn't working, and her computer forgot the network key, and we can't find it to get her logged on. And I tweaked my shoulder pretty good. Geez!
I had been doing so well with my Lenten promise, but as of the last almost 2 weeks, I haven't made time to say my rosary. I have been up to unreasonable hours of the night working. Although I will add, that I feel on most days, God gave me something equally as enlightening or faith-filled - albeit a conversation, a connection, a friend. But this is Holy week and I am feeling horrible that after this (mostly) great LENT, I can't find the time or energy (I'm sure) to culminate appropriately into our feast day.
At church today, I got teary thinking about tomorrow. I am, understandably, a little nervous. My one friend has this weird ability to make me feel like crying (or actually do it) when I am least expecting it. I had a great chat with her today - really, she talked me down - but I was biting back the tears the whole time. She told me to take care of tomorrow, that was my goal above all else. And that this was my vocation - God's plan for me, and I had to follow that, and carve out the spiritual moments when I could. Wow! Pretty powerful stuff! (and I just found out that E, and both my parents, and I will all be together this weekend). Yay! I am an EXTREMELY blessed girl. St Anthony (patron Saint of lost items) came through for me twice this week, too.
Anyways, if you are they praying kind, I ask you to pray for my daughter and her speedy recovery. It is way too late and I am on my 3rd glass of wine! Off to bed soon as I am falling asleep as I am typing. And in re-reading this, despite my desperate attempts at sounding logical and coherent, I may have failed. I am all over the map. But that is an accurate picture of my essence right now.
BUT, God is with us, and will continue to be as we celebrate the Resurrection! Let me open my heart and mind to find him even in the most mundane of moments as I help recuperate my little lovey. After all, THIS is my calling. And if I screw this up, the rest means nothing.
Keep us in your prayers. Does wreck even describe how I am feeling?
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